If you don’t like it, just stop…

Finding the right sex position is about finding the balance between convenience and pleasure. It must be acceptable to both partners.

It may have happened to you before. You are in the throes of passionate sex, when your partner suddenly flips you over and tries a new position. You are caught unawares, but you go along with it. When you think about it later, you realise that you didn’t really like the change in your sexual routine. More to the point, you were mildly annoyed that your partner busted a new move on you without talking it over with you first.

Your partner probably didn’t mean anything by it, and sometimes, you can get so caught up in the heat of the moment that you break into a new move just for convenience. A new sex position might provide a better view of the partner’s body, or more leverage, or simply a better fit. But it is always better to ask your partner before trying something new in bed.

Do you want to try a new sex position, or want to talk with your partner about a new move they wish to try? The talk need not be an uncomfortable one at all!

Discuss it frankly. Make the time to discuss what’s on both your minds in an intimate setting, or when both of you will not be interrupted.

Don’t get defensive. If your partner expresses a wish to try something new in bed, hear them out. They are only trying to spice up your sex life – they are not saying that they dislike anything about your body or sexual mannerisms. If you are the one suggesting a new position, allay your partner’s fears in the same way.

Get down to it! Once you’ve discussed it, you can move on to trying the new sex position. If it’s something totally new, then there may be a period of adjustment before you get it right and are comfortable with it. Meanwhile, have fun with it!

Experiment a bit more. The whole point of trying a new sex position is to infuse a new spark into your sex life. Doing the same things over and over in bed can make the whole act a little tedious. A great sex life is all about trying new things, clearing up your schedule for sex even if you have a lot of deadlines, and prioritising each other in bed.

Don’t try it if you’re not okay with it

Sexual pleasure is underlined by mutual consent, so if you feel that your partner is suggesting something too outlandish, you are within your rights to express your concerns or refusal about it. You can take the time to process their proposed position, and even try it to see what it’s like. But if it makes you uncomfortable or causes pain, just stop.